Maybe Hip – Blogs Internet Television

My Indie Life: A “lollapalooza” is a giant lollipop.

At Lollapalooza last weekend I made some observations. Allow me to share some of them with you.

People do not smell good together. There was a fantastic combo of body odor, urine, and weed hanging in the air for three days straight, and Grant Park no doubt will need a shitload of therapy for its PTSD. hang in there lil’ fella.

There were a lot of girls wearing jumpers. You know, those awesome shirts with shorts connected. They would be standing in line at the port-a-potties and I would be thinking to myself, “huh, how does that work?” I don’t really want to know.

There were a lot of girls with fanny packs. I saw at least 10 of them and my sister probably saw 5 more besides that. I love the fanny. In fact, my friends and I single-handedly brought the trend back…way back when we were young and chose convenience over style. (No hands, people, I don’t think you understand the glory of no hands) Now, the fanny is inevitably EVERYWHERE. Even american apparel is selling them. oh, and you best believe i bought one. it’s shiny.

Some guy passed out INSIDE the port-a-potty, we believe while taking a dump. He was in there for a good 20 minutes when some guy just went up to the door and turned the lock so it turned green. The next girl in line proceeded to open the door which was unfortunate. She immediately regretted her decision and freaked out shouting, “I’m warped for life! I’m warped for life!” and telling everyone that he was out cold. About 2 minutes after that scare, the door locked, and our sloppy friend decided to go back to his dump.  I had pissed and left by the time he came out, but i would have paid to see that.

I saw some really ingenious ways to smuggle pot: cigarette cartons, mini-bottles. There was a really on-edge guy who had his hanging on a wire and whenever he got real nervous he would put it down in the grass. Then he would pick it up again by the wire.  I tell ya, people get smarter each and every year.

So, I was wearing a boot on my right foot because I tore a tendon, and I ran into two other boots and like three other injured feet. One of the guys in a boot said he rolled a golf cart and the weight of it crushed his foot.  I was just running from fireworks and tripped.  I’m a jackass.

We had just seen Snoop, Snoop-a-loop, and were waiting to see The Killers when a scrawny, mohawked freak elbowed my sister in the stomach to get through in front of us for better views. My sister, with no hesitation, called him a dick. He gave me the dirtiest look ever and kept on walking.  Really? For THE KILLERS, dude? I feel sorry for your life.

A piece of advice: Whatever you do, don’t piss or puke on the streets during Lollapalooza. It’s not that you’ll have to worry about the cops so much, but no one wants to smell your bodily fluids for the rest of the day. Especially in 93 degree heat. That’s a long day for everyone, my friend.

Here’s a question: why do they seem to every year schedule two of your favorite groups right next to each other.  I mean, one of the days (Saturday) sucks as far as lineup, but on Sunday I want to see Vampire Weekend and Band of Horses but they’re on at the same time.  How do you choose? You best believe I chose Vampire Weekend, but I love them both so dearly to my heart. I just want to know what the logic is behind this. Does Perry hate me or does no one want to play on the middle day?  If someone could answer this for me, I would be deeply appreciative.

Here are some of the bands I’d wished I’d seen but couldn’t because A. I didn’t get my lazy ass there in time, B. they were playing at the same time as a slightly better band, C. I was forced to see someone crappy play, or D. they weren’t there:  Portugal the Man, Band of Horses, Jane’s Addiction, Beastie Boys, Ben Folds (the first 5/6), Arctic Monkeys, Bon Iver, The Decemberists, Deerhunter, Fleet Foxes, Gomez, Ida Maria, Lou Reed, Of Montreal, Neko Case, Passion Pit, The Raveonettes, Cold War Kids, Rise Against (that one’s a joke), and TV on the Radio.

Some good things to bring to Lolla: Jägermeister, an Australian accent (to pick up the ladies), a bathing suit, an umbrella or poncho, a fanny pack (cuz shoulder bags are so overrated), gym shoes, one of those backpacks filled with water, tissues (for the port-a-potty), weed, and your tickets cuz that would suck.

Some good things to leave Lolla with: your dignity

Lexi Scherr